Hear a broken Heart

You should be able to hear a Heart when it breaks so the one that breaks it will know for certain they were responsible. No doubt just the act of accepting the blame if that were ever possible the faint cracking of my Heart would turn into this deep deafening boom and healing of Heart should be able to be heard as well, A Beautiful melodic chime silly I know but I'm just tired being thee only one to hear and feel my Heart breaking into these fragmented dreams of what could have been...I know I will hear the chimes of Love again

Walking in the Rain

Right now I'm walking in the midst of a storm the rain is hard,the wind is cold,and the clouds are low yet I can see the road ahead the Sun is shining down on the path waiting to warm, comfort,and guide me to the Oceans edge . The storm is for me to remember and appreciate the skies of blue not to take for granted any good thing. All good things given are gifts from God Thank you God for all you have done all you are doing and all you will do for me...
Gracious Love is what this is

Over my head

Suddenly I feel as if everything is over my
head and it's all whirling about a mixed matched swirl of emotion wrong is right,right is wrong, good ,bad ,indifferent
all tethered to the wrong things I know what needs to be done but not sure how & when to do it. Sun shine down on the right path illuminate my steps to where I need to go North, South ,East ,West ...
The head and heart are pulling me in different directions emotions fall on me like rain it's but matter of time. Love always needs to win...Always

Effortless loss

It shouldn't be effortless to lose you to just walk away and let go There should be such a great void that you could & should be thee only one to fill it ,I'm lost as I wander aimlessly nothing brings me joy like you but I walked effortlessy away eyes focused on nothing but the emptyness I have without you . I now focus & things become clear as I realize you are all I want & all I need ... Look Up to see where you need to go,For noone ever got to their destination by looking down
I look up and see You...

Seasons of the Soul

We all go through our Seasons of the Soul, I think I'm in Autumn of mine at the moment there's a small chill in the air that stirs and sometimes cuts deep to the heart and yet there are warm autumnal breezes that can warm me to the core I know there will be a Spring that will follow as love grows & in the Summer will blossom The Winter of the cold cold bitterness has passed and been melted away as I wait for Springs glorious return...I wait for You

Thanks for that...

Thanks for the pain that I might know Pleasure Thanks for the sadness that I might know Joy,Thanks for the ridicule that I may know Self Worth, Thanks for the Hatred that I might know Love,Thanks for the grief that I might know Happiness,Thanks for the abuse that I might know Protection,Thanks for the imprisonment that I know Freedom... Thanks for that

Where I belong...

I am not where I belong my heart is not settled here it merely waits for the freedom to be romanticly,faithfully in love. The ache it feels at the moment is but a temporary state of being I shall cling to what is shared by the one from a distance that holds me and for the day to be in your arms...
To love you and be loved you

Soundtrack of the soul

There's something mystical and transportive about Van Morrison I find my self someplace in the South East on a peaceful dock in mid July on a perfect
Summer night slow dancing with the love of my life gosh if only...I can dream until it's able to be a reality

Home again ...

I like to be here when I can... the ocean just calls out to me this is where I call home I feel this calm that comes over me. My wresteling soul can be at ease day ,night rain ,shine... The smiles and sighs are endless when I'm here...alone or with someone I love, it's special. The ability to be happy is up to us it's all a matter if we choose to seize it... Carpe Diem my friend Carpe Diem...

Waking up in the Sun

It feels so amazing waking with the sun on face feels like a beloved ones lips kissing me softly. Pure love is what it is. God must be the Sun the way it warms me,heals me,comforts me. It's renewing energy can cure your aches your pains your woes of the days. All I need is you by my side as we lay on the beautiful shore with no words said just knowing of our love enough we have for one another ... My love is your Love...

Meeting of the minds

I think there's a certain meeting of the minds between you and I a special sort of
kinship of spirits and heart distance, time,& circumstance are our only foes- I sigh as I think of the" if onlies " my mind begins to wonder how things might have been and can be.
I'm thrilled at the things that lay in store ...
Will you come along for an adventure of our lives...?

Effortless

It is so easy to spread love it really is quite effortless... it takes more energy to be negative and malevolent and to try tear someone down then it does to build someone up with love.The hatred is an attempt to make yourself feel better but just magnifies your own deficiencies work on yourself before you lose all of who you are give more love so you can get more of the love you need & deserve... Love more hate never...

Called to you...

There is something that calls me to you it is faint whisper that turns into a giant scream I feel you as I go through the motions of my daily life you becken me I try to ignore it so I don't have to face the emptiness of being apart from you I try not to submit I fight I fall I cry I crawl just to keep going on as if everything is okay it is not okay because of this distance but I pray that this gap will be closed by the things I'm finally getting the courage to do...Grace don't fail me now

Blessings abound

Today I'm at a relay for life blessed by the presence of my sister and aunt who had stage 4 breast cancer I walk and look at the survivors, and those who are battling cancer and families and friends who have lost thier battle if you don't have anyone close that has been affected Thank God and if you do Keep Praying there is always HOPE

No ground

It's amazing to me how self righteous people can be they criticize and point fingers when they themselves have no ground to stand upon , they try to sow their seeds if self discontent upon others when all they do is reflect the hatred they carry unto themselves Be careful the pedestal you place yourself on doesn't topple May you find Peace Joy & Grace Happiness waits ...catch up to it. Lest you miss it ...Blessings
I pray you find... I hate not

Epiphany moment

I sat there in the dark trying to figure out how I would be able to change you I cried at your insults as they were hurled my direction with every one of them that was spewed they shred what remains of this heart I stopped myself feeling the pain I thought why does it matter what he says he is not the compass by which I live my life he is not my guiding north star he is just the vortex of hatred i'm going to avoid. There are many many good souls that bring me home I can't change him but I can change me...I shall delight in all they good souls I'm blessed to know...and allow myself to find joy

Miss everything...

I miss everything about you...The sound of your voice the touch of your skin...I miss your strong but gentle arms around me I miss kissing your soft sweet lips I miss holding your face in my hands as I look into those beautiful telling eyes I miss whispering" I love you" quietly in your ear, I miss feeling your fingers run thru my hair I miss holding your hand as yours cover mine safely ... oh how I miss you...

Hide behind a smile

Yesterday I was totally overwhelmed
by a feeling of sadness I can usually hide my sadness behind a smile but it was completely impossible I was temtped to just walk away from everything leaving the consequences to whatever they might be & sometimes I feel I could drive & drive never to return but that is cowardly ,so I cup my head in my hands and pray God will answer my humble needs... For only He knows what lay in store

Guard my Heart

I'm grateful for the true friends that protect the state of my heart True friends are a blessing they guard, love, & fill my heart though I speak to them not as often as I would like, they speak to my heart every time they call ... I love you Friend

Day at the Beach

Spent the day at the beach walked on the shore,I lay on the sand felt the sun on my face gentle wind blowing in my hair sky blue as heaven it was enough to make me sigh with sheer gratitude I am Grateful for everyday I'm blessed with...Thank You

Get Gone

I wish you'd get gone,leave, go I'm tired of the hatered spewed from those pursed evil lips who are you to tell me I'm stupid ugly worthless good for nothing • I am none if these things!!! My maker has made me which let's me know I have value maybe not to you but to many others & mostly by my God...so I will be content in the knowledge this too shall pass I will not suffer under your the shadow of your hate forever

Here comes the Sun

The Sun is shining through the clouds pushing them aside so it can hang high in
the sky auspiciously, We should take our cue from the Sun & shine through all the grey cloulds hanging over us we are not living our potentional until we SHINE...

Minor milestone

Tomorrow will be a minor milestone I will officially enter my 40 's well not that it feels any different from my 30's age is relative to how you feel and act all I want is to affect as many people as I am able in the short span of a lifetime in a positive way let us make the day better for every person we encounter tough yes .. Impossible NO...

Let the love rain down

I will let my love rain down on you I want you to feel my spirit flowing over all of you touching every part of you down to your soul I want you feel loved needed wanted you will be judged not for all that was done but for what was asked to be forgiven of I will make you clean new whole you are a new person through me...

Funny ...

Today I had an associate tell I'm so damn chipper & upbeat she was gonna slap me I thought that was so funny because had I bitched n moaned it would have pleased her more. Sad commentary that shows that misery loves company uuum yeah no thanks I have happier things to do with my time... I rather be hated for who I am then to try to change to be liked by others For who i'm not•••~ Love me Hate me but you can't ignore me~•••

No Deviation

For most of us there is no devation we don't look left we don't look right we just trudge on through our day with our head down focused solely on ourselves have we lost all sense of humanity that we can't make eye contact & smile ? We are meant to give joy & receive joy for joy is one thing we can not give without getting some back in return... Give Joy

We are undefined

We are not husband not wife not boyfriend not girlfriend not lovers not friends just two people that shared a few stolen amazing moments together unsure if it is love or infatuation kept apart by distance, time,situation if we had met sooner or later would that have changed our outcome we are undefined...

Sunshine sighs ...

Was out by Ocean on the sand, on the pier,on the prominade it felt free and refreshing I needed a day like yesterday to put things into perspective ... Maya Angelo said " if you don't like it change it if you can not change it Change your attitude ... So for now I shall change my attitude ...I smile because I'm loved

Hard not to Smile on a Summers day...

I smiled from the moment i woke up to see the beautiful blue sky. As i drove to work listening to Van Morrisen staring out at the amazing Pacific ocean I couldn't help but sing and smile.My drive is an hour past the most precious scenery of Ventura & Santa Barbara. Life is what you make it. I choose to be happy, i choose to love, i choose to make it count... Lets go for a ride on this fantastic journey the end of the road is the beginning of the story...It's not how you get there but with whom you travel... QueenyJMG

Feels the loss...

I am feeling the loss of certain things and people in my life.I know the only constant thing in life is change and I'm fine with it.I know others are moving on and all i pray is for their happiness.I will not be an anchor weighing them down I want to be the one to lift up my loved ones I love deeply I will always be a friend to those who choose to keep me as one ...i love you always my dear friend...QueenyJMG

Giving it to God...

Ok so I have made peace with what has transpired these past few days.I can not worry for worry will take care of itself. Worry about nothing pray about everything I have realized that there is nothing I can do but offer my fears,my sorrows, and my trust to God only He can offer the assurance and outcome that is good for My Family & Myself ...Complete trust ...Our Lives Your Hands make it what you will...

Not happy about it...

Okay so my daughters boyfriend came over last night to ask my blessing for her hand in marriage i am not happy about it i want her to finish her schooling get her masters degree she is 22 that is way too young to even consider marriage uggh i know i should be joyous but my heart says no my mind says no & my gut says uugh NO... QueenyJMG

Waking up in the Sun...

There is no better feeling then after a restful night to wake to the sun shining into your window beckoning you to come and play Summer is here Thank God for my health & 3 beautiful daughters to share my time with....gonna go out & play maybe even be a little mischievous too...life is short LETS PLAY...QueenyJMG

Looking into you...

I sat there looking into you ,into your eyes i saw a hint of sadness ,a sparkle of happiness ,a glint of hope and a twinkle of excitement when i began to talk of the future things are looking way up baby ...I'm full of anticipation as this day begins its almost here all things point forward .Smiling eyes look back at me I see you again ,You 're back ...I'm back We're back lets move ahead together...hand in hand...QueenyJMG

Whatever it is ...

I am proactive yet the situation requires a little more the just me pulling up stakes i need a means to my end meaning capitol i cant afford move without money and yet the money i have is tied up in things i cant pull out of at the moment so my "whining" as you call is not so, I need to put things out in the open if just for my sanity i pray you never have to experience what makes me write...ANONYMOUS ID LOVE IF YOU HAD THE NERVE TO STEP UP...QueenyJMG

Letting Go...

Sometimes just writing what I feel is enough to help me therapeutically .I have allowed myself to forgive others but most of all to forgive myself if I dwell on my mistakes & faux pas then its a never ending cycle go ahead and cry take a deep breath and let it go ...There is more Good then bad in the world all we have to do is open our eyes & truly see it...I love and I am loved this is true...QueenyJMG

Alone...

Today is one of those days when i feel all alone ,as if this island of solitude has me left me so sheltered even from the rays of the sun trying to warm my cold cold heart & they can not penetrate it.My fortress was meant to shelter and keep me safe but i fear the opposite has occurred and the walls that are built so high are keeping out the good people i so desperately want to be in contact with what a situation i have created for myself i struggle on to love and be loved i am hopeful for this isn't meant to last forever...Better Days ahead wont you come along to Better Days with me...QueenyJMG

Gray Skies...

The Sky is gray and ominous like my heart feels today chilled to the core a biting coldness that leaves me sad & pensive . There are days like these I feel I could just drive n drive til I find a new place to call home a place where love respect & peace abound alas my road trip must wait ...Praying for a solution

Missing You...

I miss your your touch I miss your gaze I miss being in your presence your kiss has left me yearning for more and distance in begining to erase the memories we shared I need to get back to that kind of love, that kind of need & wanting you are what makes me whole & you make me feel Loved,let me love you forever...be patient I will come home to you soon I love you... QueenyJMG

Pleasantly Complete

Saturday I was surprised by having my eldest show up for the weekend it was as if I was complete in that second I saw her face & felt her arms around me I was awakened with breakfast in bed then later, my girls encompassed with their love. God I'm blessed beyond all measure family friends love and grace peace mercy joy and hope a few things among many ...let us count our Blessings and be grateful for our trails that allow us to be strengthened Today I will cherish for Tomorrow I may not see

Wonderful Marvelous You should care...

It's wonderful marvelous that You should care for me I had felt bad that i haven't been there for You as much as I want to be just because I haven't kept in touch with you as often as I need to doesn't mean that I don't care i care immensely about and what goes on in your life and if You need me to be there call and I will make it happen to be at your side ...QueenyJMG

Grace and Love...

Today i felt the Grace & Love of God there was this overwhelming Peace that held me this morning as i went about some of the things i needed to do I had this sense of Love that consumed me and even made me cry i felt like i was being reassured that i was still accepted ,not left behind even though my efforts to communicate with Him were less then admirable i sigh as i write this because if you know me well you know how i do need my faith to keep me centered ...Thank You for your presence i felt you today stronger then ever...I do Love You...QueenyJMG

Feeling Good...

Feeling Good about myself looking forward to this Summer with my Family living loving and being together Christen will be graduating from her University very soon gonna throw a big bash in her honour I'm proud of her and what she has accomplished in such a short time we are our children's stepping stones paving the way to a better,easier, and more fruitful life as our fore fathers did for us with every generation the hope of more blessings is our goal...to better ourselves and those around us...QueenyJMG

Your voice ...

It had been too long since I had heard your voice the familiarness of it comforted me so ,it offered me peace even if it was short lived it made me smile... the thought of being in your circle of love compels me to hold on to a dream of the things to come I can hardley wait...to be in your company forever

Laughing Again...

This morning i found myself laughing loud  and hard at our local news" idiots" and i mean that in a kind way  it seems quite a while since i have heard that genuine of a laugh pass over my lips and it felt amazing i felt like the old me was back ,man it has taken a while but im finding what i lost ,my spark is being reignited by the everyday act of living i love happy people...they make the world go round  QueenyJMG

Looking for Lorenzo...

There was a homeless man named Lorenzo that i met when I lived near main st he would walk pass our house daily and the neighbors n I got to know and would ask him to do odd jobs around our homes I recall seeing him for the first time sitting in this small park near the old court house reading a book contently I used to see him around after I moved farther away from main st and then suddenly not seeing him anymore we all got to know him over this short period we learned he had lived someplace south of here had a wife and daughter and worked in the banking business he lost his wife and child in a car accident he decided to "drop out" of life he was well manicured with a grey beard and piercing blue kind yet tired eyes I think of him from time to time and pray he is well also that time has healed his heart and soul...we are all part of a puzzle and when a piece is lost the picture is not quite complete...

Time to Smile...

I have been overwhelmed with the escalating pressures of things occuring in my life I had been stripped of all joy and was resigned to continue to exist in my discontent state it's a terrible thing to kicked in the teeth on a daily basis but more terrible of all is to stay down I WILL NOT be defeated i have to fight this on a daily basis and come out humbled but stronger ...Grieving lasts for the night but joy will come in the morning ...Good Morning Sunshine

Lost in translation

I called and left a message I think what I wanted to say was lost in a whirlwind of emotion and may have been lost in my tone & lack of focus I had at that moment i pray I haven't been forgotten and yet I feel that is the case ..there's more to the story yet unexplained ...won't you let me explain

She wants to fly...

She is so ready to fly the path is clear for her departure winds will carry her to where the sun is bright the air is warm the sky is blue she lands on the bank of the beautiful shore allows the sun to warm her again she has found a home she is kept but not caged allowed to spread her wings and fly free...and she will always return to the one who loves her... QueenyJMG

Almost Spring...

Well Spring is knocking at my front door and i have been waiting for it we have actually had these Summer like days recently and there is nothing more refreshing then to have my lover return to me He has left me in winter for far too long it has been cold dreary and gray Summer has returned if not by calender at least in spirit to warm me hold me and make me smile in complete delight...beach days are back and so is my Heart...QueenyJMG

Participating in Life...

Today I saw the green uncle Sam hats green hair and even a green poodle I love when people partake in the fun that life has to offer it should be one of our goals to make others smile it's a win win situation...why not ? please make at least one person full out smile today youre a better person for it...

Old Friends Good times ...

I just meet up with an old friend who makes my day my week and has made my life a better place to be for having known them i havent laughed so hard in a while i thought i forgot how to really smile my gosh i have remembered and remembered quickly i thank God for my real true friends new and old Blessed am i by your company I LOVE YOU ...QueenyJMG

Carry me away...

Oh sweet Angel carry me away from here show me the peace of a loved life a happy content place where Smiles are the first thing i see when i wake show me the way guide me to my home to where the skies are so blue there is no other reaction but to Smile Carry me high carry me far carry me home...to LOVE...QueenyJMG

Touched by your Love...

I have been touched by your love when it felt as if I was dead inside you have left me knowing there is something more and I need to require nothing less from anyone Your love is amazing a saving grace I'm sorry for the neglect it is not from lack or dying love only from circumstances which you already know You have colored my life beautifully I shall love you now always...and til the end of forever...

Ready to let go

I am resigned and resolute I'm ready to let go of certain dreams in my life and move on having known I am a better person for doing so it benefits no one by holding on to the impossible Everything and Everyone that enters our lives has purpose and meaning some are meant to be temporary others are a permanent part of our story I shall carry those who touched my heart forever...

No Sleep...

My insomnia is back it's been days since I have slept well and peacefully my mind is going a million miles a minute no rest for the weary they say well then woe is me...however tonite I shall rest my head and pray for better days and peaceful nights.Come to me and never let my head hit the pillow without your hand behind it...

Sigh of relief...

Finally baseball season uugh spring is here well almost the grass is greener the sun is brighter and life is grand again I really am effected by my seasons geez... Can't wait to go to Dodger Stadium n Dream of the penant chase already til next time the 2 best words of spring ... Plaaaay Baaaaall

Uncomfortably Numb...

I have been uncomfortably numb for quite some time no joy no sadness just this sea of indifference uugh this isn't living this is existing cant stand it this is so not me I'm letting my situation get the better of me... God this is not how i want to continue... For this record you are safe my entries are written for me not for anyone else just for sanity of mind my heart has been pulled pushed broken and healed but i have never given my heart to someone who has heart in his hand already when I'm the one who is for me they will be mine i will be theirs i have no desire to be one of many i want to be THEE only one...as it should be QueenyJMG

Finally back...

It has been a long time since i have been able to put my thoughts into words there are a million thoughts rushing into my head swirling about gosh what first...? well i have learned to be happy in even if my world around me is falling apart i have my health i have my family i have my faith so what more is there OK well there can always be a lil more love in my life who doesn't want more of that ??? The sun kissed my face this morning made me smile something fierce i miss having the proximity of a heart that is special ...i enjoyed a day in Venice with my Girls we had a good time back among the freaks damn that place feels like home lol but really drop me any place i can make it my home just as long as im surrounded by LOVE...i miss you i love you ...QueenyJMG