Unlovable..

Today she felt unlovable, passed by, forgotten ... A has been, use to be, a nothing more ... Heart hurt, stomached ached deep to the pit, mind saddened...

Soul numbed, spirit dead,hope gone ...

When do these feelings go away ...

Who will rescue me...?

Only she can rescue herself 

Sighs ...

You make sigh with the very thought of your touch, the kiss your lips Warm breath on my neck ,stroking my hair staring into my eyes uttering my name The smiles that linger...joy profound ,you do this for me...

Emptiness ...

There's an emptiness that hangs heavy in my heart a need a desire a void...

It's a sobering thought being alone 

I don't want things of the past but things of the future... Something beautiful something good and gracious 

I want this heavy weight lifted this thing that drowns me cut loose the very thought of you gone...

For whom do I cry...

For whom do I cry ? not for you not for I not for her not for he not for them not for we...Tears of ambiguity fall from my eyes 

For who do I cry ?

I cried for death I cried for love I cried for fear I cried for rest 

Love destroyed ... I cried 

She realized ....

She realized that she wasn't all the things he said she was she was more then that 

she heard ...she was ugly, she was worthless, she was good for nothing,she was stupid, she was a waste of time,she couldn't do anything right,not worth loving,she was hated... his words killed her soul, hardened her heart, made her invisible 

 Then she realized his words meant nothing he was the nothing anymore 

I tasted the devils tears but no more

I am ... I AM.... More then that

What you did...

What you did to this family made us broken made us angry made us divided 

It mad me angry made me hate you made me dismiss you from my mind completely ... But what we did for our family is make us strong make us whole

and make us stand out 

You did not destroy us ...we  flourished without the grip your of dispair

So alone ...In her fears

She was so alone in her thoughts in her actions ... She wore a brave face, flashed a big smile and talked a big game..

Yet  it was a nothing more then great acting. She deserved an Acadamy award 

She fooled everyone but herself, you can't lie to one self Pain has a way of making you aware ...brings the conscience of it all to your doorstep 

 And it gives no choice but answer 

If she could run she would yet she was aware problems run from will only follow to become even larger then previous 

Face your fear and move on.. Move past

Into nothing ...

She wants to fade into the nothing of it all . She feels like nothing she has nothing she thought she could control it but she's slipping falling back into the self created abyss the dark becons and begins to consume her. She fights it yet fails ... It overwhelms her once again please take this pain away release me from this sadness  take it away or take me away ... 

Out there...

Sometimes when we put ourselves out there we run the risk and really a certainty that we will get hurt ...but what is the alternative become this shelled up unemotional being . How does that benefit us ? When open our heart, we offer our heart ... But how will we know love if  we keep our guard up I've let my guard down been burned some but will  I know joy if don't experience a little pain ...💙

Fear be gone ..,

Sometimes we allow fear to creep into our hearts and we try to avoid it the best we can but it consumes and overwhelms us 

We know on the other side of fear there is change ... Comfort , a peaceful solitude then we ask ourselves why did I not move my feet sooner ,that first step is the hardest but thee most courageous 

Don't look back there is no future there only  the things of old that didn't serve us well  

Love yourself enough to know you deserve better, you are better then your circumstance - they do not define you 

Be what God created you for -Beauty-....not the ugliness devil tells you are

Rain on the roof...

Things that were once beautiful and what we once wanted turned very ugly and couldn't end soon enough ... We lost our love we lost ourselves. The people we allowed this tumultuous marriage turn us into are almost unrecognizable to one another I feel as if I never knew you,your touch was numb to my skin your kiss was dead to my lips your love had ceased to be i was left with nothing but a bed of tears drowning to my demise death claimed who I was ...listening to rain in the roof as I slipped to my death 

Broken...

My heart ached it was broken was lonely

it is hurt something lingers A part that never healed a part that will never be filled by any other,the void only you could

have satisfied with a little love and compassion yet nothing ...nothing given as it would been too easy to show too much mercy upon my dying soul I was left destroyed by your words abandoned by 

your actions I release you i let go of you I allow what you asked for to be rid of me

Goodbye good riddance 

Incredible ...

You make life incredible you make life beautifully amazing ,make it worth living

Worth loving ,worth going forward the things that left me void that left me empty are now complete because the love you show me. You allow me soar I was a caged bird who's song was mute now I fly now I sing now I'm free... In you with 

You I'm free

Touch ...

Your touch frees me wakes my soul eases

All my pains erases my sorrows I fall into 

Your eyes and I'm whole I'm me again 

I'm the girl I always wanted to be  Your

Breath gives me life your love-delivered 

My soul...

Dead...

She died today the part of her Heart that mattered the most was gone she was instantly dead instantly numb she deserves this she had earned her badge of grief she was nobody to anybody anymore she is invisible she is dead 

Words

Words can be lovely and sweet or they can hurt and destroy I have been held and comforted by beautiful words then I was torn and mutilated by a hateful spew I hate myself sometimes for allowing myself to be affected by the words of man they lie they play they deceive with words ...

Black...

Tonight my soul feels black ,dead ,void gone it was something not sure what exactly that caused me to turn off I decided I don't want be hurt again so ill shut it all down stone cold hard it's familiar it's "comfortable" to feel nothing because at very least numb is better then hurt... 

The Plan and Purpose of all things...

I know there is Plan and Purpose for all things i dont believe things occur by "accident" People come people go i just Pray God weeds out all  those that are evil and begin to kill the my Soul I know all  the right  things will  be given  at the appointed time as not  cause great  strife but a blessing ... You are a Blessing Queenyjmg 

Call to me...🔰

Everything about you calls to me your gentleness your kindness your care and compassion You provide for my needs,you take care of my Heart,Provide for my soul give cause to smile everything and all of you is for all of me...❤ 

My letter ..,

I'm writing this letter to you to reassure you of my feelings my intentions and my promise to you .I love you with everything I am and everything I have ,my intent is to love you today ,tomorrow And for always my promise is that my affection,admiration and respect for you will never fade .I Did ,I Do ,and I Will all the days of Our life together...I Love You

Waiting...

Sat here waiting ... Nothing ...I waited not even a phone call I had to find out the hard way ...people rush home to the ones they love I waited ... Nobody ... I waited ....I waited ... I left ... Wait no more...for I am gone

Sun and the Moon...

We are like the Sun and the Moon both Glorious in our own right yet destined to be apart and to come together on the brief eclipse QueenyJMG

Unsure ...

Right now I'm unsure of things I thought certain just when you think you get it right and progression begins to take place...
Blaam face plant and all you end up with is a bloodied face and questions about how this could have happened. You can take all the right precautions to insure you won't get hurt Again and it occurs I suppose no one is invincible when we put ourselves out there were gonna get hurt I guess all that can be said of pain is it lets us know we are still alive...

In revolt...

I have been in revolt for some time now ok well for as long as i can  remember i have this need to push thee envelope to test things to their ultimate limit not in a bad way but mostly in the way that requires a response,or some sort of action taken on an others part ... i suppose i have been always been a reactionary kind of person  sometimes  if we don't push the limits they stay the same and change never occurs ...to be complacent is to be agreeable ...  if we don't stand up to the injustices of this World then we are just as bad as the perpetrators...  QueenyJMG

My HAPPY...

This is in a different style then I usually write I have just become too overwhelmed with the things that hold me down...if you don't love me you don't have to abuse me just walk away and never utter my name again but to continue to be cruel and hateful is inexcusable I would never want to rip another persons self esteem to shreds just elevate myself you have no right to mistreat an other human being like this the physical is enough is but mental,emotional & spiritual aspect of your abuse is too much ...I hated to hear my name said out loud for a long time because every time I heard it being uttered it was with shear hatred and complete disdain I could not photograph myself due to feeling ugly from the words you throw at me but NO MORE I am done I have found my Happy and it has never lied in you The joy i get comes from God.My Family and Friends Good bye sorrow...you have no on hold me any longer   ❤ QueenyJMG

You...

you knock me down, He picks me up. you throw insults at me He hands me Compliments. you tear me down, He builds me Up. you show me hatred, He offers me Love. you cause me sadness, He brings me Joy, you ingore me, He gives me Attention. you could have been HIM but you chose to be you...❤ QueenyJMG

Why do I...

Why do I allow you to keep part of my Heart when you mistreat it ,bruise it ,break it ...I cried myself to sleep too many a night I cried for you I tried for you now my love has died for you...I will not cry ever again wanting your arms around me saying it will all be okay i will love you forever because it was never spoken to me by your lips...it's okay I don't want them even if they were offered now...there are beautiful people that I will offer my time,my heart and my love to...I have taken my Heart back you don't own any part of it any longer...

Keep Me...

The memory of Me I want you to keep is one of Love,Fun, & Appreciation... I want you to know I always Love ,Need ,and Want you in my life,That every moment spent with you gives me satisfaction. If I haven't told you that I loved today...I LOVE YOU know that.I cherish all things Beautiful ...You My Beloved are Beautiful The present is what I can offer you the future is not promised so let us live in the moment of now and pray we can share many more tomorrows...❤ QueenyJMG

Not to turn away...

I live and work in counties that have a high homeless population.I have got to know a lot of "the locals" who hang out around the city My heart really has a need to help, it's very easy to look away from their dirty faces and ignore them,but are they not human beings with feelings with a need to be acknowledged i over time have learned names listened to their stories felt their pain and anguish I just as easily could be one of those faces one of thee invisible ones we all could be in their shoes Please take a minute to feed someone who is hungry ,to listen to someone who is ignored and to befriend somebody who is friendless for one day God forbid it may be you who is in need...A Man is still a Man regardless of circumstance.... ❤ QueenyJMG

Another day above dirt...

Another day above dirt blue blue skies, warm summer sun, & gentle breeze man this feels like heaven...the smell barbecue wafts through the air and the sweetest taste of watermelon passes over my lips to for thee final joie de vie ahhh sweet summer oh sweet joy - Hugs ,Kisses,& Blessings ...Enjoy Your Summer My Lovelies ❤ QueenyJMG

Summer...

Today is the first day of Summer aaaah Summer makes me sigh makes me Smile makes me wanna quit my job lol - okay maybe not quit but most definitely take some vacation time which i finally will officially do this year last year my vacation was cashed out to help pay for a wedding...okay one Daughter married and the other two Thank God are not even in contention ...phew Thank God...Yaaaay Summer Enjoy My Lovelies Enjoy... ❤ QueenyJMG

If I could...

If I could make you see what you're missing then it wouldn't matter to me at all I can not open your eyes I can not make your heart love I can not make you appreciate the little things in life,you have to see, feel, and find them for yourself ...I don't want you to be mine any longer the day has seen its end my heart has felt its last quiver of want for you don't just say goodbye- just leave ❤ QueenyJMG

Monday Night Supper Club...

Well I have started a Monday Night Supper Club.I have wanted to do this for quite some time especially after My Dad passed away Realizing life is short and we are not guaranteed another day on God's green earth and spending an evening surrounded by people I love is a nice way to start the week ...Live,Love & Laugh with those you love...{11}❤ QueenyJMG

We are FAMILY...

When I think or speak of My Family I get choked up I feel Blessed beyond all Blessings. I spent My weekend with family I can't begin to describe the Joy I receive being in the company of My Mom,My Children and My Siblings,& all thee Other extended Family I have. I love You all with all My Heart... Thank You God for First Loving Me enough to give Your Son as a sacrifice to atone for my sin and second for loving still more by allowing to have This Amazing Family...{11} ❤ QueenyJMG

Thank You ...✬✪★

Thank You to all who have served & those who have fallen in service to this Great United States of America...I am grateful for the sacrifice given by your selfless service so that I{We} might Live Free.It is my privilege and honor to remember on this weekend it's not just a paid vacation day it is a day to REMEMBER & GIVE THANKS TO THOSE WHO ALLOWED US TO REMAIN FREE - Thank You,Thank You, Thank You... May God Bless America ... ❤ QueenyJMG

Memories Flood...

These Memories of You flood my mind I miss you like mad ,this void, partial emptiness leaves me sad and choked up from time to time .I always think these feelings will begin to fade but I'm left needing your presence. When I'm very happy I want to share things with you and when I'm sad I want you to say it's okay Mija it's going to be alright.I'm a grateful daughter I love you Dad...You left me feeling loved Thank You...{11}❤ QueenyJMG

What will be will be...

Yes for the most part what will be will be People & Things that are meant to be more then a passing part of lives will develop into something more and the rest will just move on through. I find comfort in that knowing that God's "weeding out" process will pull out the weeds & tares and only the Beautiful bounty of harvest will be allowed to remain planted in the Garden of My Life ...Where do you fall? Weed or Seed I pray I'm always the seed in the lives of others to grow,blossom & bring joy into it ... ❤ QueenyJMG

Alone Time...

Sometimes i just love to be alone. The house lit with nothing but candles and some sweet calming music playing drinking a glass of red wine with nothing but my thoughts and shear solitude to keep me company i ask not for much but this i do NEED i Love My Family but this is a small heavenly thing for me.I will write i will think i will cry sometimes but isn't that what we all need from time to time ? Time to just be alone i cherish these moments ...it's times like these that will make me sigh...to keep from screaming i smile but time alone gives me my peace back...❤ QueenyJMG

Love of My Life...

She couldn't help but love Him, He loves her in rain or shine He holds her with no touch He speaks to Her if even in a faint small whisper that sounds as loud as thunder to her aching heart. He is near in spirit to dry her tears and share in her joy Her fears are put to rest Her weary Soul is comforted .She feels Him always there the quiet invisible Love of Her Life...

Carpe Diem...Amour

Today I will enjoy the Sun,the Sky,the Sea I will capture every Smile given to me .I will hold it in my Heart I will give more then I have received I will matter to those who need it & accept what I have to give.I shall offer myself with all that I can all & that I am. I will seize the day My Love...For all I have is today ...Tomorrow is never guaranteed...❤ QueenyJMG

Thee UnAppreciated Gift...

Today kinda started out miserable and never ceased until I entered my drive home ...and even then i allowed to stay kinda crappy ,Meaning ...as i drove down the Coast - out to my right but a stones throw away was a Beautiful Whale swimming along the shore i looked and thought that's cool and kept on driving i didn't have anyplace to be anyone to meet and i just kept driving ignoring the fact one of God's most majestic creatures swam right next to me and as the Sun was setting in its amazing pink & yellow hues what a fool to have such a gift and not take it all in and count my Blessings...Forgive me for being so selfish...I give thanks...May i never take another gift for granted...❤ QueenyJMG

Ocean of Love...

She sat at the edge of the Ocean as it ebbed & flowed The Sun warm on her face the faint laughter of a child in the distance as She closed her eyes and fell into a sweet slumber ... She awoke & forgot where She was. Was this Heaven ? It feels as such...Feeling the Oceans Love She wished it could have been but alas is was a temporary state of Bliss to be cherished for what it was ...Beautiful Bliss❤ QueenyJMG

Tenderness...

Tenderness is what comes to mind when I think of you... Gentle,Soft spoken,Caring,Protective,& Loyal...a friend to all & a comforter of sorts. I should have come back to you long ago...I'm sorry to have been absent so long ,there is no excuse for it. It seems the more time that passed the harder it was to break down and just reach out to you.You leave a Smile on my face & a Joy in my Heart ...I whisper my secrets into the dark and Pray they fall gently into your ear...& find a place in the Tenderness of Your Heart...Love You still...❤ QueenyJMG

Beauty can not be ignored...

Beauty like this can not be ignored i was driving home yesterday evening through Montecito and beheld this Glorious Rainbow lingering over & ending in thee Ocean i had not choice but to pull over on the freeway and shoot this picture which really did the sight no justice i sighed and wished i was able to enjoy with someone who could appreciate it ...well maybe this picture will find another to be left in awe as i was...Gods Beautiful Creations...so awesome....this is LOVE❤ QueenyJMG

Back ...to you

It's funny how we seem to find ourselves going in circles we think we're lost but we make our way back to people,places,& things that we love the most i have been looking for things that have always been there i just needed to open my eyes and see clearly...Glad for things to be back in my life...that i have missed...❤ QueenyJMG

Blessings ...

Easter Blessings to all...We remember what Christ did for us by taking on our sin at the Cross ...His Love for us endured all things and conquers all things Thank You for loving me so much...❤ QueenyJMG

Grrrr...Speeding ticket

Grrrr ....OK i just got a speeding ticket my first dagnabbit...well i was going 83 mph in the slow lane yeah not cool i know but Thank God the Chippy wrote it out for 75 bad but not as bad as 83 mph hit .I need to slow down ...on the bright side its Friday....❤ QueenyJMG

Riddle me...

Riddle me with small awarenesses,Tell me something i don't already know,Show me a sight i have never seen,Play me a song i have never heard,Touch my heart in way it has never felt...❤ QueenyJMG

Flippen A....

Do you ever just sit back and say uuugh flippen A this is what it has become this is what i have become sometimes it seems so mundane so day in day out somebody slap me already and wake me up ...sorry ramblings of a rainy day in need of a shot of adrenaline okay maybe ill jump off the roof into the jacuzzi (that has no water) i'm off to see the Wizard...❤ QueenyJMG

⚑ Head & Heart...❤

Sometimes what your Head tells you fights what your Heart is saying .We all have intuition and we sometimes ignore it, to ignore what may be true & keep us from getting hurt and other times our Mind will make something out of nothing I wish we could always follow what is right but the truth of matter if we always knew the what was right we would still make bad choices maybe not as many yet its definite that we would tempt fate. I will just allow things to fall into place as God sees fit.I will not worry for when has worry given you anything in return? Fear nothing Pray about Everything...So I Pray and Wait
❤ QueenyJMG

First day of Spring...

Longer days,Beautiful Sunsets, Ahhh..& BASEBALL. Spring is here which leads to Summer which is what I consider Pure Bliss I'm always left in awe of all Beauty I'm surrounded by as I drove home up the Beautiful Coast I watched as the Sky turned into this amazing hue of pink & orange Sunset...I thought God has blessed me ,Gracious i am to be part of His Omnipotent plan I know not what He has in store for tomorrow yet i know is will be for my best Thank You Lord for My life is Your hands...❤ QueenyJMG

Spoiled kind of life...

We mostly live this spoiled kind of life never realizing the hardships of others in this country as well as other countries i watched a documentary on the caste system in India i always knew of this but as i watched these children describing all they endure in this matter of fact way of life it hurt me to the soul i also watched as children and women were sold in prostitution in Indonesia and as some of them described themselves as unworthy ...heartbreaking the pain the hopelessness i saw in her eyes God i pray that you can end these types of hardships give them your Peace let your Mercy fall upon these outcasts ...Allow me to my part to help end the hardships someone may be going through...NO ONE SHOULD FEEL HOPELESS❤ QueenyJMG

I need to try harder...

I know i need to try harder to make an effort at expressing myself to those i love the most. I sometimes get upset and i allow myself to pull away & just let the hurt fester I'm always very verbal and vocal with just about everything except certain times i feel hurt,and then ill walk away i wont talk wont touch wont make eye contact if i feel betrayed i need to be more FORGIVING,i need to be more LOVING, i need to be more GRACIOUS,with my words with my deeds & with others feelings I WILL TRY HARDER TO LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY... ❤ QueenyJMG

What would You say ...

If you had one more chance to say something to somebody that is no longer in your life what would it be...would you say I'm sorry, i love you ,please stay....well we have all left things unsaid and unfinished and i pray that these unfortunate mistakes will not be repeated Tell those whom you love,that you love them tell those who you need you need them to stay in your life and those that you have hurt you are sincerely sorry for life is short Lets say what needs to be said...I LOVE YOU...for the person you are...LET NO GOOD THING BE LEFT UNSAID❤ QueenyJMG

Everything is going to be OKAY...

Ahhh sometimes it feels as if life has taken you for a wild, crazy,about to toss your cookies ride and then you sit back take a breath and realize ooookay it's gonna be alright.I believe all we struggle through has a plan & purpose we may have no clue whatsoever until other things come into to play and then we say oooh i get it now - all i had to do was wait for iiiit...We are such an instant gratification kind of society we forget there is sometimes a struggle to get to what we want and sometimes what we want is not,what we need and God will not allow Our wants to overshadow What we Need HE WILL PROVIDE ALL THINGS IN HIS DUE TIME...We need to be patient and WAIT ON HIM...❤ QueenyJMG

Its all how you choose to see it...

It's all how you choose to see things I went for my walk on the board walk which also parallels the river bottom there is an influx of homeless that call it home.As my daughter & I walked we passed several people in the parking lot sitting in their luxury vehicles with long faces I smiled and nothing no response,they seemed so unhappy I thought you're at the beach it's a glorious day and it appears you are of some sort of means. How sad & then as we walked past the river bottom.I made eye contact with a couple pushing their shopping cart packed up with all they owned I smiled and received the most beautiful smile i have seen in a while Though it was little they owned they "had alot" Life is what you choose to make it ...What will you make of it?...QueenyJMG

Feeling Amazing...

I Feeling Amazing this morning had a 5 day lingering migraine i almost forgot what it felt like to be headache free.Well the sun is out i drive up the PCH to get to work Pacific Ocean Anacapa Islands & Blue Skies as the back drop its another day in Paradise I can only Thank God for Blessing me with another day to enjoy...Live Beautiful ~Stay Beautiful ~Do Beautiful things .... ❤ QueenyJMG

L.O..V...E....

I don't need a day to tell you how much I LOVE YOU...I will use the rest of our lives...♡♡Oh yeah Happy Valentine's Day...much LOVE ♡♡

❤ QueenyJMG

Sometimes need a break...

Sometimes i do need a break from being me there are some days i could run to the hills and find a nice rock to slumber under Escape work,kids,drama of life's too real moments yet aside from all the monkey wrenches thrown into the works i am grateful for all that i have & all that i am...❤ QueenyJMG

Recipe for a Happy Life...

3 cups Daughters LOVE

1 Cup God's GRACE,HOPE & MERCY

2 Tablespoons of Amazing Parents

5 Teaspoons Awesome Siblings

A pinch of a Good Mans Respect

1 Cup of Self Worth

Mix all ingredients together

Watch & Nurture for the Rest of your Life...

& Voila the BEST LIFE YOU COULD ASK FOR...

Break off into large pieces & offer to everyone you know❤ QueenyJMG

It's OKAY...

You know it's okay to do nothing sometimes to sit around all day in your jammies n watch t.v.,listen to music and just sleep. We all want to maximize our time.Our days, minutes, & seconds must be occupied with something to do and that does'nt always have to be.Just don't spend too much time doing nothing for then Nothing will be done...So yeah yesterday did nothing and it felt great...❤ QueenyJMG

Blaaah...

Ugh today as well as yesterday I feel/felt miserable dang migraine making my head pound & making me ill I really want to feel better and go outside i had to skip my early Saturday hike maybe I can pound some meds n try to salvage some of this day Well I will do my best to feel better and pray for the best I really wanna go outside...

and play...❤ QueenyJMG

Not lucky but BLESSED...

I am not lucky - I am Blessed... with a Wonderful Family ,My health and the Love & Grace of an Awesome God. Opportunities have been given to me that have more than exceeded my expectation. I just need to stay focused and on task to take advantage of all the Blessings given to me.Let me make this world a better place for having been here,Allow me to help as many people as I am able and Let the seed of kindness grow into the Heart of LOVE ...Bless others as you have been Blessed...❤ QueenyJMG

Tumultuous Tide...

Tumultuous tide great divide in then out strewn about high then low come then go ...Angry waves then Peace that saves gentle roar life restored My hiding place My saving Grace...❤ QueenyJMG

I ...

I meld. i mold ..i hug .i hold.. i spoke .i speak ..i hide .i seek ..i saw .i see ..i love. i be.. i laugh. i cry .. i live. i die... ❤ QueenyJMG

Find the Beauty...

Okay - so I love to sell,buy and peruse Flea Markets & Yard sales & Thrift shops as it gets warmer I will

begin to craft,refurbish & make pretty of some of the bargains I acquire over this winter There is something about taking an object that is used up ,unwanted and other wise considered junk to someone and giving it new purpose for somebody else to enjoy.We should always look for the beauty in everything... ❤ QueenyJMG

Get what you give...♫♪♬

They say you get what you give well that isn't always so.There are exceptions to every rule and you know what...? I don't care If you have made up your mind about me before we have even spoken ,I will give you reason to rethink anything bad you assumed...I will be kind to everyone I come across I will smile at the grumpy face walking up to me, I will offer an word of encouragement to the pessimist that complains loudly ... for if we all sit back and do nothing ...Nothing will be done ...Let's all do Something to add to Joy of Life not bring misery into it...QueenyJMG

Sunshine kinda day...

Today is a Sunshine kinda day I refuse to let any clouds fall over my face I will sit in the Sun under the blue skies to enjoy the splendor of your Love...Everything is alright with me. I walk with my head high my step has a skip because it's a Beautiful Day to be alive everyday is a gift even when a little rain falls it just waters the flowers for tomorrow ....Let us Dance today for 'morrow we may not be able... QueenyJMG

I'd go crazy ...

I would go crazy if I cared too much about what certain people thought about Me for a long time if someone didn't like me I would stress over thee individual not liking me without justification and now I have come to terms with it. I do my best to treat anyone I meet with Love,Joy and Friendship in my heart. Some people I now know are bitter, jealous and not happy with themselves so I pray their self views change but I can't worry over them.I WILL however give all my attention to those who will accept my SMILE...and get theirs in return ...what a treasure I find in You...QueenyJMG

Distance ...

There are some times in your life when distance is exactly what you need from the one you love and other times when the distance will make it all fade away.I have experienced both sides of that coin If you are happier in the absence on somebody maybe that person isn't meant to stay in your life when the Distance makes you yearn for the person that is a clue they need to remain I have both going on at the same time ...One needs to go the other needs to stay - Let Good defeat evil- prevail to reveal happier days for all... QueenyJMG

Hurt like me...

Yesterday someone whom I care for hurt me to the core my Heart felt as if it was broken I wanted to lash out and hurt them in return but I stopped thought and decided what will I gain from that will that erase my pain will it satisfy my soul,will I become a better person ...? I'm tired of games I have no time for people who choose to treat me bad as if i don't matter. So I walk away from anyone who cares so little about hurting me I can forgive but I won't re-live this kind of pain again...

Good to hear...

It feels good to hear that when people have mentioned your name and it was positive things said of you and your character.Things I do for others are genuine not done for recognition I do them because I see help is needed. Do more for others think less of what will I receive in return...this is a mindset we all need to embrace I don't always do what it is considered right but I sure try to. Like I tell my children I don't expect perfection but I do expect you to do your best... If we fail to attempt at all... then we fail ourselves

I give Thanks...

I give Thanks to My God for all of my Blessings Grace,Mercy, My Beloved Family, & Friends . I can not stop Smiling for my cup runneth over ...If you have made your way into my life I Love you much Thank you for the love we have ,we are and we will share...Happy Day of Thanks
Let eveyday be Thanksgiving...as we count our Many Blessings

Lift you up...

Why would I want to tear you down when I can build you up,i want for everyone around me to succeed not fail and encouragement is something I can offer to you ...it's costs me nothing yet leaves me feeling as if a Philantropist. Rich, Happy and Satisfied with person whom I want to be ...Be the change you want to see

Doesn't cost a thing...

It doesn't cost a thing to Smile, to be kind, to offer gentle word to someone in need. What do you lose ...? The question is what will you gain ? The simple truth is life is not worth a thing if not spent with gracious gratitude I know we have good days n not so great days but we have to keep it all in perspective.
Life is Beautiful & a gift we receive every morning we wake. If I know you well I've probably said I love you if I haven't said it to you lately I LOVE YOU let it be known...Perspective love matters

Empty Arms...

My Arms have been empty as result of my own actions or lack thereof I sigh as cry when I remember love that was handed to me which I let slip away I know it was not to be and still I miss it Thee fondest most treasured memories out way the sad ones I miss you I miss smiling with you I miss the things that were good. Children,Family & Friends will fill your Heart to a certain point and then you need a different type of Love...

Why not...

Sometimes hmm... actually it should be Most times life isn't what we can do for ourselves but what we should be doing for others it doesn't take much to feed somebody who is in need and hungry whether it's literaly or emotionally today I was blessed to do both.God allows these opportunities to be put before us to see how we will react to them I consider myself blessed and why would I not be a blessing to others ... What are you doing with opportunity ?

My letter to you ...

There are some people that affect your life in such a way that when ever they aren't around you there's a part of you that yearns for thier company.I miss everything about you I miss hearing the sound of your voice sayin Good Morning My Darling , I miss seeing you sit at the head of the kitchen table reading
the paper and drinking your coffee I miss hearing your truck drive up the drive way knowing you'd follow shortly after with a hug and a kiss I miss smiling as you and Mom danced in the kitchen whenever moonlight serenade played on the radio i I miss your hands holding my face saying I love you My Darling I miss everyone laying on the bed as we all watched the Dodgers playing... I miss you Dad and love the Family you blessed me with Thank You immeasurably for all you have left me with ...11(family thing ) the bond and legacy you left is strong and in tact

What is truth...

Sometimes what we call the truth is just a lie we twist in our minds. Bent,turned, and twisted to the shape what we wish it to be. I believed you loved me I believed you cared for me I believed you would come for me. I realize all it was a lie I tried to make the truth. Lies can never become the truth but I did love you with all of my heart I hold no Ill will,harbor no hard feelings, but hold you in highest regard and pray you find peace,love, and joy that I could never give you. I'm truely sorry for that.

Love was proven...

A last act of the evening not done for the eyes of others but done out of true love and happiness in the moment and in that moment love was proven to myself the few left to observe. With that my soul was
satisfied that Love was true. Long life, much Happiness, Eternal peace , and unending respect I pray for you both ...
My Heart is happy letting you be carried off in His hands...

Goodbye to you...

Goodbye to you , Youve held me long enough taken too much of heart too many of days and crept into too many of thoughts I release you to the one who keeps you now and is kept by you Goodbye friend, Goodbye lover, Goodbye memory of you...

Trying my hardest ...

I am trying my hardest to be excited,positive and upbeat for what is impending. I'm Afraid my mistakes will be your mistakes my grief will be your grief and my prison will be the same prison that will hold you and key that frees you will be self actualization ( that I have fully yet to realize) will be the only thing that releases you. Oh I Pray for Peace,Love,Joy and much Respect is all that comes your way...

How does it feel...

How does it feel to tear someone down?
I'm sure it can't feel remotely close as it does as building somebody up Words can destroy a heart,alienate a lost soul and crush an already dying spirit but they can also Fill an empty heart include the left out,and give wings to dreams of a crushed spirit ...Hold every thought captive and think before you Speak...for they may be the last words uttered to someone.We are not promised tomorrow let's make today count ...

This lost love...

There is this lost love that dances around in my memories,I chase it like the scent of jasmine that eludes me,like a sunset I just miss as I turn away for the brief moment.Beautiful moments gone , to be had no more.I know love had been
shared but now the lack of your love leaves me sad from time to time I have no choice but to smile, push on and know there will be love again. If not from you then from another i shall love again...this lost leaves me better not bitter I will recall with joy and know I once held your heart...

No risk no reward...

We all fail to take risks that may be worth it in thee end I am notorious for letting too many chances slip by I have made some haphazard choices by allowing things to just remain as they are...no risk no reward
I will not allow the next possible good thing in my life walk by...

Feel loved...

If I make you feel loved then I have been successful. If all you take from me is the feeling total love,encouragement, & acceptance then I have done a good thing.We can instantly tear others down with no thought. Why cant we make the genuine effort to build others up ,it won't be for how tough we were that we'll be remembered but for how gentle we were with an others heart...Be Gentle ,Be Loving ,& Be Loved

I run to you...

As i sit in the sun i think of running into your arms full of Love,Care & Unending Acceptance The ultimate love story but not a Romantic love but a Love of just complete understanding no questions need to be asked for the answers you already know.Yes you know I love you, Yes you know i need you, Yes you know i want you,as I know all the same applies to me Un-abashed Love is what i have for you...I cant wait to held forever in your arms -

I RUN TO YOU...

QueenyJMG

Passing Memories...

Have you ever loved someone deeply yet
your love couldn't hold the minutiae of their memory as time passes faces fade
Voices silence, touch ceases everything you thought was so is no more as it becomes harder and harder to grasp the fleeing memories there are somethings I never want to let fade into obscurity the thought if you holds steady forever in my Heart ...

Not one day...

Today this world is one loving caring vibrant sweet person less I had the pleasure of knowing a beautiful young lady who passed away this morning my heart broke upon hearing this news because I will never see her lovely smile again so I'm determined to pass her smile on to every person I meet -this is Sarahs smile ...I will give her smile to one
and all I will not let one day pass by without being grateful...

Make it last ...

Sometimes we rush through our day to day tasks and not give a second thought to the little things that should bring us joy a child laughing, a smile from a stranger even the realization that we were allowed another day on this earth next time your walking look up at the faces approaching you and smile and say hello this world is getting way too impersonal how 'bout we make it better a little at a time -starting with us...

We all deserve the best...

I feel we all deserve the best of everyone we should treat others with Respect, Love,& Dignity There are some people in this world that feel they can tear others down with no consequence all I have to interject is my personal belief that there is a God we must all answer to I'm not perfect by any means yet I have asked for forgiveness for all of my personal bad choices ... We should give everyone our best that it would come back to us as their best given back unto us , True - We don't always get what we give but shouldn't we ALWAYS give our best...regardless

From the little things

From the little things we are sometimes unable to see the big picture it's when we stand back and take a look at the big complete picture are we able to realize that all things were working out for the greater common good I have faith that thee outcome will work together for My good... Sit ,Pray,Wait & Trust...

A little bit of your time ...

Who do you live for? Are you living solely for yourself or will you give a little bit of your time to help someone who needs your help it may be that they don't deserve your time but then again who are we to judge? Who really is worthy. A man regardless of his circumstance and station is still a human being start by offering a Smile then maybe a kind word and even further by voluntering to those places that give selflessly to care of our fellow brothers and sisters in need we aren't gaurenteed anything other then the sureness that this. Life is short and death is a certain in the end, it could be one of us that are in need of a little care and compassion...

Take for Granted ...

I sometimes more often then id like to admit take for granted all of my blessings food, shelter,a job, my family and mostly the Grace that's been given to me, I look around I see the ubiquitous sea of those in need I turn a blind eye most often then not because I'm rushing here and there and then there are times i'm stopped dead in my tracks humbled by the eyes of a needy stranger I want help all those who will accept my help but I need to offer more of me don't waste time on things that in the end will matter not ...People matter...

Waiting for the Sun...

I lay in the cold,silent,darkness and wait for the Sun there are too many hours in this night. It's too still, too alone and this silence has never seemed so loud as it deafens my own thoughts. Night never ceases to leave me exhausted for the want of the day to come Oh sweet Sun rise for me the darkness pulls me too far from you... If wanting could make things occur then Rays of Sunshine find me here...Now

Hello Beautiful...

Hello Beautiful it's so good to see you again I have missed your smile. Everytime I see you I sigh as if it is I saw you for the first time I love you as deep as ocean as wide as the sky and til the end of forever...& then some
I just want you to have the confirmation of
what I feel for you I have loved you I do love you and will love you always I love You need You I want You... Yes I mean YOU

Hear a broken Heart

You should be able to hear a Heart when it breaks so the one that breaks it will know for certain they were responsible. No doubt just the act of accepting the blame if that were ever possible the faint cracking of my Heart would turn into this deep deafening boom and healing of Heart should be able to be heard as well, A Beautiful melodic chime silly I know but I'm just tired being thee only one to hear and feel my Heart breaking into these fragmented dreams of what could have been...I know I will hear the chimes of Love again

Walking in the Rain

Right now I'm walking in the midst of a storm the rain is hard,the wind is cold,and the clouds are low yet I can see the road ahead the Sun is shining down on the path waiting to warm, comfort,and guide me to the Oceans edge . The storm is for me to remember and appreciate the skies of blue not to take for granted any good thing. All good things given are gifts from God Thank you God for all you have done all you are doing and all you will do for me...
Gracious Love is what this is

Over my head

Suddenly I feel as if everything is over my
head and it's all whirling about a mixed matched swirl of emotion wrong is right,right is wrong, good ,bad ,indifferent
all tethered to the wrong things I know what needs to be done but not sure how & when to do it. Sun shine down on the right path illuminate my steps to where I need to go North, South ,East ,West ...
The head and heart are pulling me in different directions emotions fall on me like rain it's but matter of time. Love always needs to win...Always

Effortless loss

It shouldn't be effortless to lose you to just walk away and let go There should be such a great void that you could & should be thee only one to fill it ,I'm lost as I wander aimlessly nothing brings me joy like you but I walked effortlessy away eyes focused on nothing but the emptyness I have without you . I now focus & things become clear as I realize you are all I want & all I need ... Look Up to see where you need to go,For noone ever got to their destination by looking down
I look up and see You...

Seasons of the Soul

We all go through our Seasons of the Soul, I think I'm in Autumn of mine at the moment there's a small chill in the air that stirs and sometimes cuts deep to the heart and yet there are warm autumnal breezes that can warm me to the core I know there will be a Spring that will follow as love grows & in the Summer will blossom The Winter of the cold cold bitterness has passed and been melted away as I wait for Springs glorious return...I wait for You

Thanks for that...

Thanks for the pain that I might know Pleasure Thanks for the sadness that I might know Joy,Thanks for the ridicule that I may know Self Worth, Thanks for the Hatred that I might know Love,Thanks for the grief that I might know Happiness,Thanks for the abuse that I might know Protection,Thanks for the imprisonment that I know Freedom... Thanks for that

Where I belong...

I am not where I belong my heart is not settled here it merely waits for the freedom to be romanticly,faithfully in love. The ache it feels at the moment is but a temporary state of being I shall cling to what is shared by the one from a distance that holds me and for the day to be in your arms...
To love you and be loved you

Soundtrack of the soul

There's something mystical and transportive about Van Morrison I find my self someplace in the South East on a peaceful dock in mid July on a perfect
Summer night slow dancing with the love of my life gosh if only...I can dream until it's able to be a reality

Home again ...

I like to be here when I can... the ocean just calls out to me this is where I call home I feel this calm that comes over me. My wresteling soul can be at ease day ,night rain ,shine... The smiles and sighs are endless when I'm here...alone or with someone I love, it's special. The ability to be happy is up to us it's all a matter if we choose to seize it... Carpe Diem my friend Carpe Diem...

Waking up in the Sun

It feels so amazing waking with the sun on face feels like a beloved ones lips kissing me softly. Pure love is what it is. God must be the Sun the way it warms me,heals me,comforts me. It's renewing energy can cure your aches your pains your woes of the days. All I need is you by my side as we lay on the beautiful shore with no words said just knowing of our love enough we have for one another ... My love is your Love...

Meeting of the minds

I think there's a certain meeting of the minds between you and I a special sort of
kinship of spirits and heart distance, time,& circumstance are our only foes- I sigh as I think of the" if onlies " my mind begins to wonder how things might have been and can be.
I'm thrilled at the things that lay in store ...
Will you come along for an adventure of our lives...?

Effortless

It is so easy to spread love it really is quite effortless... it takes more energy to be negative and malevolent and to try tear someone down then it does to build someone up with love.The hatred is an attempt to make yourself feel better but just magnifies your own deficiencies work on yourself before you lose all of who you are give more love so you can get more of the love you need & deserve... Love more hate never...

Called to you...

There is something that calls me to you it is faint whisper that turns into a giant scream I feel you as I go through the motions of my daily life you becken me I try to ignore it so I don't have to face the emptiness of being apart from you I try not to submit I fight I fall I cry I crawl just to keep going on as if everything is okay it is not okay because of this distance but I pray that this gap will be closed by the things I'm finally getting the courage to do...Grace don't fail me now

Blessings abound

Today I'm at a relay for life blessed by the presence of my sister and aunt who had stage 4 breast cancer I walk and look at the survivors, and those who are battling cancer and families and friends who have lost thier battle if you don't have anyone close that has been affected Thank God and if you do Keep Praying there is always HOPE

No ground

It's amazing to me how self righteous people can be they criticize and point fingers when they themselves have no ground to stand upon , they try to sow their seeds if self discontent upon others when all they do is reflect the hatred they carry unto themselves Be careful the pedestal you place yourself on doesn't topple May you find Peace Joy & Grace Happiness waits ...catch up to it. Lest you miss it ...Blessings
I pray you find... I hate not

Epiphany moment

I sat there in the dark trying to figure out how I would be able to change you I cried at your insults as they were hurled my direction with every one of them that was spewed they shred what remains of this heart I stopped myself feeling the pain I thought why does it matter what he says he is not the compass by which I live my life he is not my guiding north star he is just the vortex of hatred i'm going to avoid. There are many many good souls that bring me home I can't change him but I can change me...I shall delight in all they good souls I'm blessed to know...and allow myself to find joy

Miss everything...

I miss everything about you...The sound of your voice the touch of your skin...I miss your strong but gentle arms around me I miss kissing your soft sweet lips I miss holding your face in my hands as I look into those beautiful telling eyes I miss whispering" I love you" quietly in your ear, I miss feeling your fingers run thru my hair I miss holding your hand as yours cover mine safely ... oh how I miss you...

Hide behind a smile

Yesterday I was totally overwhelmed
by a feeling of sadness I can usually hide my sadness behind a smile but it was completely impossible I was temtped to just walk away from everything leaving the consequences to whatever they might be & sometimes I feel I could drive & drive never to return but that is cowardly ,so I cup my head in my hands and pray God will answer my humble needs... For only He knows what lay in store

Guard my Heart

I'm grateful for the true friends that protect the state of my heart True friends are a blessing they guard, love, & fill my heart though I speak to them not as often as I would like, they speak to my heart every time they call ... I love you Friend

Day at the Beach

Spent the day at the beach walked on the shore,I lay on the sand felt the sun on my face gentle wind blowing in my hair sky blue as heaven it was enough to make me sigh with sheer gratitude I am Grateful for everyday I'm blessed with...Thank You

Get Gone

I wish you'd get gone,leave, go I'm tired of the hatered spewed from those pursed evil lips who are you to tell me I'm stupid ugly worthless good for nothing • I am none if these things!!! My maker has made me which let's me know I have value maybe not to you but to many others & mostly by my God...so I will be content in the knowledge this too shall pass I will not suffer under your the shadow of your hate forever

Here comes the Sun

The Sun is shining through the clouds pushing them aside so it can hang high in
the sky auspiciously, We should take our cue from the Sun & shine through all the grey cloulds hanging over us we are not living our potentional until we SHINE...

Minor milestone

Tomorrow will be a minor milestone I will officially enter my 40 's well not that it feels any different from my 30's age is relative to how you feel and act all I want is to affect as many people as I am able in the short span of a lifetime in a positive way let us make the day better for every person we encounter tough yes .. Impossible NO...

Let the love rain down

I will let my love rain down on you I want you to feel my spirit flowing over all of you touching every part of you down to your soul I want you feel loved needed wanted you will be judged not for all that was done but for what was asked to be forgiven of I will make you clean new whole you are a new person through me...

Funny ...

Today I had an associate tell I'm so damn chipper & upbeat she was gonna slap me I thought that was so funny because had I bitched n moaned it would have pleased her more. Sad commentary that shows that misery loves company uuum yeah no thanks I have happier things to do with my time... I rather be hated for who I am then to try to change to be liked by others For who i'm not•••~ Love me Hate me but you can't ignore me~•••

No Deviation

For most of us there is no devation we don't look left we don't look right we just trudge on through our day with our head down focused solely on ourselves have we lost all sense of humanity that we can't make eye contact & smile ? We are meant to give joy & receive joy for joy is one thing we can not give without getting some back in return... Give Joy

We are undefined

We are not husband not wife not boyfriend not girlfriend not lovers not friends just two people that shared a few stolen amazing moments together unsure if it is love or infatuation kept apart by distance, time,situation if we had met sooner or later would that have changed our outcome we are undefined...

Sunshine sighs ...

Was out by Ocean on the sand, on the pier,on the prominade it felt free and refreshing I needed a day like yesterday to put things into perspective ... Maya Angelo said " if you don't like it change it if you can not change it Change your attitude ... So for now I shall change my attitude ...I smile because I'm loved

Hard not to Smile on a Summers day...

I smiled from the moment i woke up to see the beautiful blue sky. As i drove to work listening to Van Morrisen staring out at the amazing Pacific ocean I couldn't help but sing and smile.My drive is an hour past the most precious scenery of Ventura & Santa Barbara. Life is what you make it. I choose to be happy, i choose to love, i choose to make it count... Lets go for a ride on this fantastic journey the end of the road is the beginning of the story...It's not how you get there but with whom you travel... QueenyJMG

Feels the loss...

I am feeling the loss of certain things and people in my life.I know the only constant thing in life is change and I'm fine with it.I know others are moving on and all i pray is for their happiness.I will not be an anchor weighing them down I want to be the one to lift up my loved ones I love deeply I will always be a friend to those who choose to keep me as one ...i love you always my dear friend...QueenyJMG

Giving it to God...

Ok so I have made peace with what has transpired these past few days.I can not worry for worry will take care of itself. Worry about nothing pray about everything I have realized that there is nothing I can do but offer my fears,my sorrows, and my trust to God only He can offer the assurance and outcome that is good for My Family & Myself ...Complete trust ...Our Lives Your Hands make it what you will...

Not happy about it...

Okay so my daughters boyfriend came over last night to ask my blessing for her hand in marriage i am not happy about it i want her to finish her schooling get her masters degree she is 22 that is way too young to even consider marriage uggh i know i should be joyous but my heart says no my mind says no & my gut says uugh NO... QueenyJMG

Waking up in the Sun...

There is no better feeling then after a restful night to wake to the sun shining into your window beckoning you to come and play Summer is here Thank God for my health & 3 beautiful daughters to share my time with....gonna go out & play maybe even be a little mischievous too...life is short LETS PLAY...QueenyJMG

Looking into you...

I sat there looking into you ,into your eyes i saw a hint of sadness ,a sparkle of happiness ,a glint of hope and a twinkle of excitement when i began to talk of the future things are looking way up baby ...I'm full of anticipation as this day begins its almost here all things point forward .Smiling eyes look back at me I see you again ,You 're back ...I'm back We're back lets move ahead together...hand in hand...QueenyJMG

Whatever it is ...

I am proactive yet the situation requires a little more the just me pulling up stakes i need a means to my end meaning capitol i cant afford move without money and yet the money i have is tied up in things i cant pull out of at the moment so my "whining" as you call is not so, I need to put things out in the open if just for my sanity i pray you never have to experience what makes me write...ANONYMOUS ID LOVE IF YOU HAD THE NERVE TO STEP UP...QueenyJMG

Letting Go...

Sometimes just writing what I feel is enough to help me therapeutically .I have allowed myself to forgive others but most of all to forgive myself if I dwell on my mistakes & faux pas then its a never ending cycle go ahead and cry take a deep breath and let it go ...There is more Good then bad in the world all we have to do is open our eyes & truly see it...I love and I am loved this is true...QueenyJMG

Alone...

Today is one of those days when i feel all alone ,as if this island of solitude has me left me so sheltered even from the rays of the sun trying to warm my cold cold heart & they can not penetrate it.My fortress was meant to shelter and keep me safe but i fear the opposite has occurred and the walls that are built so high are keeping out the good people i so desperately want to be in contact with what a situation i have created for myself i struggle on to love and be loved i am hopeful for this isn't meant to last forever...Better Days ahead wont you come along to Better Days with me...QueenyJMG

Gray Skies...

The Sky is gray and ominous like my heart feels today chilled to the core a biting coldness that leaves me sad & pensive . There are days like these I feel I could just drive n drive til I find a new place to call home a place where love respect & peace abound alas my road trip must wait ...Praying for a solution

Missing You...

I miss your your touch I miss your gaze I miss being in your presence your kiss has left me yearning for more and distance in begining to erase the memories we shared I need to get back to that kind of love, that kind of need & wanting you are what makes me whole & you make me feel Loved,let me love you forever...be patient I will come home to you soon I love you... QueenyJMG

Pleasantly Complete

Saturday I was surprised by having my eldest show up for the weekend it was as if I was complete in that second I saw her face & felt her arms around me I was awakened with breakfast in bed then later, my girls encompassed with their love. God I'm blessed beyond all measure family friends love and grace peace mercy joy and hope a few things among many ...let us count our Blessings and be grateful for our trails that allow us to be strengthened Today I will cherish for Tomorrow I may not see

Wonderful Marvelous You should care...

It's wonderful marvelous that You should care for me I had felt bad that i haven't been there for You as much as I want to be just because I haven't kept in touch with you as often as I need to doesn't mean that I don't care i care immensely about and what goes on in your life and if You need me to be there call and I will make it happen to be at your side ...QueenyJMG

Grace and Love...

Today i felt the Grace & Love of God there was this overwhelming Peace that held me this morning as i went about some of the things i needed to do I had this sense of Love that consumed me and even made me cry i felt like i was being reassured that i was still accepted ,not left behind even though my efforts to communicate with Him were less then admirable i sigh as i write this because if you know me well you know how i do need my faith to keep me centered ...Thank You for your presence i felt you today stronger then ever...I do Love You...QueenyJMG

Feeling Good...

Feeling Good about myself looking forward to this Summer with my Family living loving and being together Christen will be graduating from her University very soon gonna throw a big bash in her honour I'm proud of her and what she has accomplished in such a short time we are our children's stepping stones paving the way to a better,easier, and more fruitful life as our fore fathers did for us with every generation the hope of more blessings is our goal...to better ourselves and those around us...QueenyJMG

Your voice ...

It had been too long since I had heard your voice the familiarness of it comforted me so ,it offered me peace even if it was short lived it made me smile... the thought of being in your circle of love compels me to hold on to a dream of the things to come I can hardley wait...to be in your company forever

Laughing Again...

This morning i found myself laughing loud  and hard at our local news" idiots" and i mean that in a kind way  it seems quite a while since i have heard that genuine of a laugh pass over my lips and it felt amazing i felt like the old me was back ,man it has taken a while but im finding what i lost ,my spark is being reignited by the everyday act of living i love happy people...they make the world go round  QueenyJMG

Looking for Lorenzo...

There was a homeless man named Lorenzo that i met when I lived near main st he would walk pass our house daily and the neighbors n I got to know and would ask him to do odd jobs around our homes I recall seeing him for the first time sitting in this small park near the old court house reading a book contently I used to see him around after I moved farther away from main st and then suddenly not seeing him anymore we all got to know him over this short period we learned he had lived someplace south of here had a wife and daughter and worked in the banking business he lost his wife and child in a car accident he decided to "drop out" of life he was well manicured with a grey beard and piercing blue kind yet tired eyes I think of him from time to time and pray he is well also that time has healed his heart and soul...we are all part of a puzzle and when a piece is lost the picture is not quite complete...

Time to Smile...

I have been overwhelmed with the escalating pressures of things occuring in my life I had been stripped of all joy and was resigned to continue to exist in my discontent state it's a terrible thing to kicked in the teeth on a daily basis but more terrible of all is to stay down I WILL NOT be defeated i have to fight this on a daily basis and come out humbled but stronger ...Grieving lasts for the night but joy will come in the morning ...Good Morning Sunshine

Lost in translation

I called and left a message I think what I wanted to say was lost in a whirlwind of emotion and may have been lost in my tone & lack of focus I had at that moment i pray I haven't been forgotten and yet I feel that is the case ..there's more to the story yet unexplained ...won't you let me explain

She wants to fly...

She is so ready to fly the path is clear for her departure winds will carry her to where the sun is bright the air is warm the sky is blue she lands on the bank of the beautiful shore allows the sun to warm her again she has found a home she is kept but not caged allowed to spread her wings and fly free...and she will always return to the one who loves her... QueenyJMG

Almost Spring...

Well Spring is knocking at my front door and i have been waiting for it we have actually had these Summer like days recently and there is nothing more refreshing then to have my lover return to me He has left me in winter for far too long it has been cold dreary and gray Summer has returned if not by calender at least in spirit to warm me hold me and make me smile in complete delight...beach days are back and so is my Heart...QueenyJMG

Participating in Life...

Today I saw the green uncle Sam hats green hair and even a green poodle I love when people partake in the fun that life has to offer it should be one of our goals to make others smile it's a win win situation...why not ? please make at least one person full out smile today youre a better person for it...

Old Friends Good times ...

I just meet up with an old friend who makes my day my week and has made my life a better place to be for having known them i havent laughed so hard in a while i thought i forgot how to really smile my gosh i have remembered and remembered quickly i thank God for my real true friends new and old Blessed am i by your company I LOVE YOU ...QueenyJMG

Carry me away...

Oh sweet Angel carry me away from here show me the peace of a loved life a happy content place where Smiles are the first thing i see when i wake show me the way guide me to my home to where the skies are so blue there is no other reaction but to Smile Carry me high carry me far carry me home...to LOVE...QueenyJMG

Touched by your Love...

I have been touched by your love when it felt as if I was dead inside you have left me knowing there is something more and I need to require nothing less from anyone Your love is amazing a saving grace I'm sorry for the neglect it is not from lack or dying love only from circumstances which you already know You have colored my life beautifully I shall love you now always...and til the end of forever...

Ready to let go

I am resigned and resolute I'm ready to let go of certain dreams in my life and move on having known I am a better person for doing so it benefits no one by holding on to the impossible Everything and Everyone that enters our lives has purpose and meaning some are meant to be temporary others are a permanent part of our story I shall carry those who touched my heart forever...

No Sleep...

My insomnia is back it's been days since I have slept well and peacefully my mind is going a million miles a minute no rest for the weary they say well then woe is me...however tonite I shall rest my head and pray for better days and peaceful nights.Come to me and never let my head hit the pillow without your hand behind it...

Sigh of relief...

Finally baseball season uugh spring is here well almost the grass is greener the sun is brighter and life is grand again I really am effected by my seasons geez... Can't wait to go to Dodger Stadium n Dream of the penant chase already til next time the 2 best words of spring ... Plaaaay Baaaaall

Uncomfortably Numb...

I have been uncomfortably numb for quite some time no joy no sadness just this sea of indifference uugh this isn't living this is existing cant stand it this is so not me I'm letting my situation get the better of me... God this is not how i want to continue... For this record you are safe my entries are written for me not for anyone else just for sanity of mind my heart has been pulled pushed broken and healed but i have never given my heart to someone who has heart in his hand already when I'm the one who is for me they will be mine i will be theirs i have no desire to be one of many i want to be THEE only one...as it should be QueenyJMG

Finally back...

It has been a long time since i have been able to put my thoughts into words there are a million thoughts rushing into my head swirling about gosh what first...? well i have learned to be happy in even if my world around me is falling apart i have my health i have my family i have my faith so what more is there OK well there can always be a lil more love in my life who doesn't want more of that ??? The sun kissed my face this morning made me smile something fierce i miss having the proximity of a heart that is special ...i enjoyed a day in Venice with my Girls we had a good time back among the freaks damn that place feels like home lol but really drop me any place i can make it my home just as long as im surrounded by LOVE...i miss you i love you ...QueenyJMG

Ready for love...

I am so ready for love not just from afar but up close hands in my hair kiss on my lips staring lovingly into your eyes this waiting this longing this wanting is kinda killing me i know what can and cant be at the moment yet these emotions are at the surface i try to push them down and live as content as i can in the time being i just want you to know I'm still here ...QueenyJMG

Felt you so close...

I had this amazing dream i was lying next to you in a place you called paradise as i looked out it wasn't any place recognizable yet we were lying next to one another yes it was paradise i was running my fingers gently over your face lips and over your arms it was enough almost to climax it was perfection you and i this song was playing its funny how even music penetrates my dreams but i hope that this dream will come true and everyday will be our paradise...QueenyJMG

Comfortably Numb...

Sitting here being comfortably numb trying to do things that will bring joy to my life but it seems as if its all one big distraction i don't know if i have fooling myself by these attempts uuugh -i hate this feeling of hopelessness I'm trying really i am but to no avail my heart is dying again from lack of love i know I'm loved but to not have it directly in front of me makes me sad i know you love me you know i love you what can we do aside from wait i will wait for this is all i have the hope"us" ...a brand new day is coming and it will be Beautiful ... QueenyJMG

Decorate my life...

Been in this kinda weird state of mind lately i haven't quite been myself i almost feel as if I'm watching someone Else's life being played in front of me as if its a movie that I'm watching well it has been getting slightly better by this i mean i feel my creative streak coming back i want to paint, create, and make things beautiful again meaning the aesthetically speaking of my surroundings i have been living in this blank canvass of a home because i had packed everything but i don't thrive in such conditions so i have decided to unpack at least one box of my wall decorations for fear id go completely mad living in a sterile environment no don't get me wrong nothing has changed in terms of my intentions but for sanity sake i need "pretty" around me at the very least even the Venetian mirrors back on the walls offer me a little comfort among the chaos that i call my life but i hold out for you your comfort even in a barren house in would be decorated with love. One day soon you shall decorate all of my today's tomorrows and forever ... QueenyJMG

Want to go home...

I want to go home i think you know where and what i mean by home your arms are my home i feel lost like I'm wandering through this life without you near me i know that is almost impossible at this juncture in our lives yet i cant help but feel that way. I'm hopeful I'm content with the memories of our times spent together there will be a time for us ...Soon My Love... Soon Queenyjmg

Attitude of Gratitude

Well as i looked out at the ocean i was hit with an overwhelming urge to cry day before yesterday it was over cast gray and cold almost as if the ocean could feel what i felt i know that isn't so but i had an empathetic partner in the pacific i cried as i drove.My situation at times causes me to feel so defeated emotionally ,i am grateful none the less i know i have a roof over my head food on the table and most importantly the love of my children and friends ,& today however is different the sun has come out here in Los Angeles and it causes me to smile the sun is my north star that points me to all things good and lovely ahhh love these beautiful sunshine california days ...QueenyJMG

Too Long...

It has been entirely too long since I have written I miss expressing myself in written word I have so many things bouncing around in my head it’s almost impossible to focus on one thing ok well let’s try ok, hmmm gosh I have been going through some difficult days in terms of my situation anyone who knows me knows what or shall I say to whom I am referring … Summer my favorite time of year here in California the sky seems bluer this time of year even in the midst of all the rain clouds lingering over me I can’t wait to be free to enjoy a walk with no recompense my time is not my own I live on borrowed time ,come to think of it we all do for everyday is a blessing I choose to bless others with joy everyday the best I can if you allow me to I shall offer my blessings to you my friend …Take my hand and let’s walk QueenyJMG

Ways to win...

There are ways to be victorious even when defeat seems immanent small things we can do to keep sane in the light of madness pulling ourselves out of a so called funk is one small victory and so is keeping love alive despite all the odds being against us if we can hold on during these times then we are assured of an outcome that is in our favour i hold you close for one day i shall be yours and you shall be mine ...QueenyJMG

Nice to be me

Been thinkin about all that i have and all that i have not my and my haves most definitely out weigh my have nots i will not be sad i will not be weary for my days are looking bright and sunny looking up looking to the joy that lay ahead ahhhh sweet joy you wait for me...QueenyJMG

Missing You..

I am missing you like mad the infrequency of our talking has taken a small toll on me i know it is nothing that can be helped at this moment its just what it is right now my love has not diminished however .love i have for you has never faded i just want to reassure you of this i miss you much...QueenyJMG

Hunny im home...

Well after a short hiatus I'm home ugh but only briefly man my mind has had a million things to going through it and now i cant remember all i wanted to say grrrrrr...well in my absence my blog has sort of been neglected i miss the company of many people but one in particular the less we speak the more i want...i want to talk i want to hold i want to make all the distance go away If Only we could i do love you ...QueenyJMG

Whispers in the dark...

I whisper your name in the dark i say goodnight my sweet love i send it into the night sky i watch it soar into the darkness and it makes its way to you i pray it gently washes over you and you feel me , my heart call to yours i love you...my sweet King of my heart...QueenyJMG

A Dream...

I just woke from a Dream which was so real i woke choked up ,as i was as my the Dream My Dad and I were visiting sitting on the Santa Monica Pier , talking ,laughing ,holding hands i told him how much i miss him since his passing and we talked of other things good things He said he came back for a reason- to give me something. As it all unfolded he was describing the Dream i was having He looked so good so healthy and so happy as he did before he was ill as my Dream ended the last words he said was "What i came to give you is ,A DREAM"...and he cried as i cried tears of joy for reconciliation and tears of sadness for the departure...QueenyJMG

Invisible...

Have you ever felt invisible ? As if maybe you had faded into nothingness? opaque -transparent ignored. It drives me mad not knowing what someone is thinking as they play their games i know i shouldn't let it bother me if you wish to be indifferent about how you feel for me so be it i will let it be, for me out sight ,out of touch is ,out of mind i only hold on for so long then i let go and know that gave it my all... QueenyJMG

Gods screening process...

I guess God has a way of screening out people in our lives who are not suppose to be there and keep us in contact with those who are good for us and help us grow i believe all that come into our lives have purpose but not all are meant to stay.I have met many people some i want in my life indefinitely others are just meant to be temporary.Rain has purpose and Sun has purpose...we need both in order to grow... QueenyJMG

Gonna be Alright...

I'm hopeful of things to come i have allowed myself to give up on some of the bigger plans i had for myself, i sold them for a tiny band of gold that ended up being nothing more then a decorative bobble on my finger, well i thought about it and said my plans aren't Gods plans for me so hmmm ...take that perspective on things I was very much afraid to leave what has been familiar to me for fear of having to start a new life on my own most of all its the financial aspect of things that has me concerned i am past that fear ready to jump in lock stock and barrel into whatever awaits me A love of my love maybe there waiting or he may tire of the wait all i know is I'm ready to breathe again i have been stifled, suffocated, and held under too long ...QueenyJMG

I walk with a Smile...

I walk with a Smile its amazing how many people will give a double take as if i had called them by name. Joy can only be truly experienced when shared with others and when i see others smiling i always comment on their beautiful smile incentive of sorts for them to always remain smiling I always say if you have a compliment to give ,give it !!! Its worth isn't shown until you give it away...QueenyJMG

Our Deepest Fear..Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure
It is our light not our darkness
That frightens us
We ask ourselves
Who am i to be brilliant,gorgeous,talented fabulous?
Actually who are you NOT to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people wont feel insecure around you
We are all meant TO SHINE
As children do
We were born to make manifest the
The glory of God that is within us
Its not just in some of us
Its in everyone
And as we let our own light SHINE
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same
As we're are liberated from our own fear
Our presence automatically liberates others...

QueenyJMG

Trials...

Trials we go through may seem endless and almost without purpose as you struggle through them i feel we go through them sometimes so that we may be able to offer a sympathetic hand out to those who are going through a similar situation i know God will never test us to the breaking point but we will sure get bent,burned and hopefully sculpted into something more beautiful for from the fire we are being transformed ,conformed and refined as silver and gold to SHINE....QueenyJMG

Live for today ...

I will live for today with my eye on tomorrow i will not be embittered i will not hold a grudge i will not be sorrowful for today is a blessing i will forgive those who wronged me i extend my hand to those who hate me i will smile for today is a gift...tomorrow is not promised but today is here ...live it as if it were your last... AND Always say I LOVE YOU!!!QueenyJMG

Faith...

Sometimes I feel as if my Faith is slipping like I'm failing I know He is here but the question is am i ? I love God i know he will never leave or forsake me i have been allowing too many things to cloud up my mind & to keep my eyes turned away and i need to focus them up i will proclaim my Love for You and not sway i will reach to you for strength i need to feel your touch You are the rock on which i will plant my feet upon....QueenyJMG

You move me...

You move me you make me want more, you make me want to move forward, and leave the past behind so i can get on with my life you make look towards a future that only God & time shall determine Our destiny I pray He will answered accordingly ...All things work together for the good of those who love The Lord according to His plan & purpose...QueenyJMG

Butterflies...

I saw a friend she said you look so happy i said i was. She ahhh is there someone ? She asked, i said as a matter of fact yes... There is. She asked so does he make you smile? I said yes, She asked does he make you feel giddy ? I said yes She asked but most of all does he give you butterflies i said he always has...QueenyJMG?

Wonderful...

Isn't it wonderful giving everything you have then having it thrown back in your face my stomach aches right now from a loss i knew was going to occur yet i watched it slip away i am hurt by you i am saddened by you you are afraid to make a move forward so you recoil in words of hurt if that is what you feel you need to do so be it I'm always here as a friend i never stop extending my hand to you allow yourself to reach out accept it i want to be friends...QueenyJMG

Compromise...

How long have we compromised our Happiness ?Ourselves? We have done the obligatory thing by trying to work it out for the kids but is this really helping them by seeing us in this loveless marriage NO. it doesn't they are not fools they know what we are living .this lie nothing but a facade painted walls pretty plants pickets fences and porch signs that should read welcome to my lie...when will we be happy we need to take the step in the direction we Wish to go...COMPROMISE NO MORE...QueenyJMG

Fighting Demons...

We all have demons to fight I'm just sick of fighting other peoples demons i shouldn't have to deal with what is killing you inside face them head on acknowledge them or else how will you get past them to become victorious over them i don't have the strength and energy to fight your fights...man up already......QueenyJMG

Last night...

Last night i had to shove my emotions down i had to swallow my tears it literally hurt my throat to push them all down .i am not sure if it made me feel better or worse to not let him see me cry but all i know now is its pushing back in the direction i don't want to go,i just pray he doesn't kill me(emotionally) before i truly get to live.ugh sick of it all right now.I will be okay when the sun finally rises i need the Sun...QueenyJMG

I wake...

I wake with your name on my lips- i smile and think its going to be a good day ,i stretch & yawn as i look at the empty side of the bed i imagine you there- i smile and say one day, i rise and clutch my robe its cold when your not here -i smile and say i will speak with him today and the coldness will turn to warmth...QueenyJMG

Twilight...

I am somewhere between the here and the there in the midst of the early morning not quite awake yet still not asleep ,i hear the crickets still chirping begging the evening to remain so they might sing their song- as the birds of morning call for the sun to rise i see the white and purple flowers animated in neon as twilight surrounds me .I'm in a dream world,in the still of the night and break of day not here nor there....QueenyJMG

Making Memories...

When ever my Girls and I spend "quality "time together i always look at them and say ::MAKING MEMORIES :: because that's what i feel we are doing i tell them this is what i want you remember.I also say i know we have all been through some really ugly bad times but those are a vapor -distant ,gone ,no more i tell them they must acknowledge them but not to dwell on them Because those are not what define you . If we cant put those things aside it never gives us the opportunity to Enjoy all of the Happiness ready to fill our lives ...Be ready Be open Be hopeful of all the Good things waiting for you...QueenyJMG

Plan & Purpose...

I know God has plan and purpose in our lives Sometimes we don't see the bigger picture because we are not far up enough We sometimes hurt due to being unable to have what we want at that moment i have been down a lil' these past few days just wanting to cry and its okay to grieve as long as we rejoice in the things to come ...QueenyJMG